Tag Archives: broken

In Loving Memory

My dad died today. When your worst fear has become your reality, it makes this day, and all the rest to come, extremely difficult. It’s truly heart breaking that I had no choice but to say goodbye. I can’t seem to fully wrap my mind around it or come to terms with the fate that has been chosen for you. It’s inevitable, and I suppose sooner or later it was bound to happen, but I just didn’t think the time would be now or for it to end like this. It’s hard to be strong, but I know that’s all I can do right now as I prepare myself for the grief and continued devastation that lies ahead. Despite this outcome, I will forever cherish each and every last moment spent with you and you will forever be held dear in my heart. I only hope that you know how much you truly meant to me. I’m trying so hard not to fall apart and to stay positive in hopes that it makes it all easier. I wish I could fully express my love and gratitude towards you and explain how phenomenal of a father you were, but I find there just aren’t enough words. The time with you wasn’t long enough and I feel as if a part of me will always feel as if I didn’t do enough. I only wish we had gotten more time together. I’m beyond thankful for the very few family and friends comforting me during this time, I honestly don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without your support. All I can say is don’t ever take the ones you love and deeply care about for granted, because you never know when the last time you’ll ever get to see them will be. I love you dad, always and forever. Life will never be the same without you. I hope you’re in a much better place now. May you forever rest in peace.  
Editors note: My father passed away on June 24th, 2016. It’s been just over four months since then, and I just couldn’t bring myself to share this until now.



You’re so hurt and damaged by all the lies you fill your head with. No wonder you’re broken and continuously second guess yourself. You don’t even know what the truth is anymore.


She stared at the ground for the longest time. As if there was no end to her grief, I saw a tear roll down her cheek as she closed her eyes gently and sighed. She stayed like that for a moment, as if embracing the silence, letting it tear away at her heart. Slowly looking up at me, her eyes were red and her face dewy from the tears she had cried. I saw the pain and hurt in her soft blue eyes. I felt helpless. Because at that moment there was nothing I could say or do to make it all go away. She opened her mouth then, almost whispering “I… I just…” and then she trailed off. She couldn’t believe what had happened. Such a fragile human being she was, it was heart breaking to see her stuck in such times of sorrow. But it was then that broke my heart the most… she grasped at her chest, squeezing her eyes shut, she cried out in anguish as she fell to her knees. The tears raced down her cheeks as she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Her body shook as she rocked herself back and forth trying to comfort herself. Falling onto her side, she screamed out clenching at the ground relentlessly. So much hurt… from such a tiny human being. This pain will never end for her. She… she has become broken. And all I can do… is watch as she suffers.


I feel so broken inside. My heart aches and my hope is slowly fading away. I don’t hide it anymore, because I can’t. The betrayal is too much. You can see it when you look into my eyes and the expression upon my face… it’s as if something inside of me has died. You… of all people… how could you? I can’t even fathom as to why the one person I trusted and believed the most… the one I looked up to… how my own father could do this to his own daughter. I needed you… I opened up and cried for help. I came to you. You told me you’d always be there… you could have made me better… you could have helped. But instead you pushed me away and completely shut me out. And that only ruined me so much more. You left me here to rot and the more I think about it, the more it hurts. And you know, when you have so much pent up pain… and hurt… it really does take a toll on you after a while. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. For you have abandoned me.


It’s hard to be put back together again… when the only thing that everyone ever did… was tear you apart. Because now, after years of mistreatment… most of the pieces don’t even fit anymore.



You will never understand it… until it happens to you. And when it does… don’t come crying to me… when all you did was tell me to suck it up and act like it was nothing, because I’ll just return the favor. Little did you know that my whole world was falling apart, but you didn’t care enough to try and make it better. Instead, you lied to me and disappeared. But one day you will realize that it is indeed… not easy at all and you will completely break down. And when you do… you’ll have no one… just like I did.



You keep absolutely everything that’s important to you bottled up… and despite how undeserving people treat you, you always take the blow for them. You carry the weight of the world and all of its tragedies alone, just so you can see them smile and so they can truly be happy… and you wonder why you’re falling apart.