My dad died today. When your worst fear has become your reality, it makes this day, and all the rest to come, extremely difficult. It’s truly heart breaking that I had no choice but to say goodbye. I can’t seem to fully wrap my mind around it or come to terms with the fate that has been chosen for you. It’s inevitable, and I suppose sooner or later it was bound to happen, but I just didn’t think the time would be now or for it to end like this. It’s hard to be strong, but I know that’s all I can do right now as I prepare myself for the grief and continued devastation that lies ahead. Despite this outcome, I will forever cherish each and every last moment spent with you and you will forever be held dear in my heart. I only hope that you know how much you truly meant to me. I’m trying so hard not to fall apart and to stay positive in hopes that it makes it all easier. I wish I could fully express my love and gratitude towards you and explain how phenomenal of a father you were, but I find there just aren’t enough words. The time with you wasn’t long enough and I feel as if a part of me will always feel as if I didn’t do enough. I only wish we had gotten more time together. I’m beyond thankful for the very few family and friends comforting me during this time, I honestly don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without your support. All I can say is don’t ever take the ones you love and deeply care about for granted, because you never know when the last time you’ll ever get to see them will be. I love you dad, always and forever. Life will never be the same without you. I hope you’re in a much better place now. May you forever rest in peace.
Editors note: My father passed away on June 24th, 2016. It’s been just over four months since then, and I just couldn’t bring myself to share this until now.
How many times are you going to have to stare death in the face… before you even begin to comprehend what you’re doing?
Through the dark array of clouds you see the beckoning bright light at the end. Everyone runs screaming, scrambling towards it blindly, but you’re the only one standing there silently. As darkness begins to engulf you, you close your eyes amongst the troublesome and embrace the moment only to smile. In this very moment you stand ever so still as if all time has stopped. You feel its death grip grab hold of your soul breathing the life out of you, but you feel the tingling sensation of empowerment and as you open your eyes they too are a death threatening color filled with crimson. And while the light begins to fade, you remain standing staring knowingly into the abyss with a smile still on your face. Do you ever wonder why darkness surrounds you? Because you are a part of this unjust iniquity. You are the channel in which the demon inside comes to life. For you, my dear, are deaths embrace.
When the time comes, I will not fight it, nor will I ever decide to fear it… instead, I will embrace every moment of it. I will smile and in my triumph I will close my eyes as the light starts to fade and everything around me begins to crumble. I will thank every moment of it that passes by and in my last endearing moment I will take one last definite fulfilled sigh and let it take me away, for it was indeed my time to go.