Tag Archives: pain
Often it’s the deepest pain in which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
I could feel him watching, waiting… as I stood there with my eyes fixed upon the ground. There was nothing but silence between us, nothing but a lost look on my face; engulfed by the reality of things. My own nightmare. I could feel a slight breeze gently trickle its way across the surface of my skin. I looked up then, to find him staring at me with a blank but yet stern look on his face. My lips quivered ever so slightly as I tried to find the right words, our eyes interlocking as if he could see deep within my soul. “I know the truth” he quietly spoke. Looking away for a brief moment and then back up at him, only a fraction of pain beamed from my eyes as I responded “You’re wrong”. Unaffected by what I had said, he shook his head slightly back and forth continuing on “You can’t free yourself from this corrupted thought because a part of you knows it to be true. It will take over, from that very moment the doubt ignited itself. You do not fit that mold. You’re independence drives you into a life of solitude”. I scoffed at him, feeling his words pierce their way through my heart. The resentment building its way up, the anger emerging, you could hear the pain in my voice “No, it’s not, it can’t be. Besides, that was then, this is now”. He took a step closer, reaching his hand out to cup my face. I quickly turned away but he grabbed me gently, slowly pulling my face towards his. Our eyes met once again and at that moment I held my breath. He spoke with manipulative wisdom, the tone in his voice never changing “Why do you remain in a fist full of lies? It is in your blood and you know that, so don’t try and change something you cannot”. My breathing quickened, I could feel the knots in my stomach intensify, I tried to be strong, but the tears slowly filled my eyes. Feeling his hurtful words bury themselves deep within my mind. “This is so much different, can you not feel it?”. He ran his fingers across my cheek, the disappointment showing itself upon his face, but I could see the deceit screaming in his beautiful eyes. “Stop trying to fight it. You know why you were put here, and to see you completely intertwined by these remote feelings makes me second guess your true abilities. You’re blinded by this foolishness”. My body felt numb by his touch, he was corrupting every thought and feeling. Squeezing my eyes shut in confusion, attempting to block out every negative aspect that tried to drown me in doubt and sorrow. But I felt it spread throughout every corner of my mind, unable to break free from such tragedy a tear ran down the side of my face as I tried to pull away from him, but in turn, he only held me tighter. I couldn’t bring myself to scream at him but he could hear the pain in my voice as I said “Don’t do this to me, not now”. Although my eyes remained shut I could see him smiling with empowerment. He leaned in then, feeling his breath against my neck, my body began to shake as his intoxicating words quietly whispered “You are not meant to feel this way. You know what needs to be done”. I could feel every touch, every word slowly slip through the cracks of my already damaged heart, as if it were a poison filling my veins, I felt weak, my mind clouded; delusional. He slowly brought me to my knees as I whispered back in sheer disbelief “This can’t be happening”. Hearing the heart wrenching weakness upon my voice he let my body go as I fell onto my side. The tears streamed down my face; silently sobbing to myself I stumbled with my words “No… please, no”. Standing over me, he smiled that deceitful smile. His face had iniquity written all over it. He knew he was winning. Slowly taking over, I felt the flame within myself dim. He was the one thing holding me together and the one thing that was tearing me apart. I just couldn’t escape.
I saw the light in your eyes dim… the liveliness within your soul escape; I saw everything about you change. You say you left in order to better whatever misery happened in between, but yet I often find you starring off into the distance as if in a daze, lost in your own thoughts. Thinking, of what, I’m not sure. And when I look at you I can see the pain and longing for something deep within. You can fool them but you’re not fooling me. I feel it in my gut that something is wrong, I know something is because ever since that day you changed. It’s as if a wave of sorrow has come over you and I find you second guessing yourself, I see the tears filling your eyes, the resentment and denial because it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I don’t think you ever fully got over it… in fact, I don’t think it was what you even really wanted, I think you left because you thought it was what you had to do… when in reality it killed you inside. And I think now it’s finally sinking in. Don’t do this to yourself. With everything comes sacrifice, my dear, and unfortunately that was one of the things that had to be done. After all, you are the one who chose to be happy.
You got me through some of the toughest times in my life. You made me rethink and question my actions. You let me get lost in the moment and feel things I never thought I would. You listened and understood when no one else did. You let my imagination run wild and put me at ease. You picked me up when I couldn’t even bring myself to get off of my bed room floor. You expressed all that I couldn’t even bring to words. You let all the pain and tears come to life and quenched the hurtful fires within myself. You’ve been the only one who has always been there, and you will always be the only one who will continue to do so. You protected me from the world… but most of all… you saved me from myself. Music is such a big part of my life, and without it… I really don’t know who or where I would be to this day.